Starting a Birth Mom Search?

Today I started researching how to find Silent One’s birth family (aka first family). Man, it’s daunting.

Finding a birth mom seems like the proverbial needle in the haystack. Looking online, it seems there are some search services, but how do you know if they’re reputable? How much is a reasonable cost? What’s the likelihood of success?

More importantly, should I even be doing the search?


In my mind’s eye, I envision handing a package to Silent One shortly after he turns 18. Inside, it contains his birth records and adoption papers. There’s a hand-written note, telling him that inside another envelope is information about what his birth family is doing now, who’s alive, and where they live. This note lets him know that he doesn’t have to open it. That he can save it for later. Or for never. That the love we have for him will always remain and that knowing or not knowing his birth family won’t change this fact.

But maybe this is a journey that adoptees need to undertake by themselves.

I don’t want Silent One to feel pushed.

But I also don’t want to wait until it’s too late, and the trail has grown cold. As time marches on, people pass away and documents get misplaced. Gathering the information now is a way to safeguard that treasure for him.

Still, so much was taken from Silent One when he was just a little boy. He had no choice in losing his first family and gaining a second.

Maybe the right thing to do is gather the information, but not share it unless he says he wants to look for his first mama?

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