Going Home TODAY v. NEVER

Today, we are going to court again and here’s what I want to do. I want to run over to the kids’ dad and blurt out that we don’t want to steal his children away from him. But that would be awkward.


Dad thinks the judge will order his children 10-year-old Joyful and 9-year-old Watchful to go home to him today. Like pack up your bags and sleep at dad’s tonight. The State, the CASA, and GAL all agree that going home today is a non-starter. And if it was just a matter that dad has to wait awhile longer before he gets his kids back, well that would be one thing. However, there’s a real chance that the judge will tell dad that if he doesn’t have his act together in six more months, the judge will terminate parental rights and order the children to be adopted by a non-relative family.

I can only imagine dad’s eyes swiveling to us in that moment, his heart broken. I can imagine him wondering if we are hoping he will fail, so we can adopt his children. But we’re not. We’re really, honestly not.

We didn’t get into foster care to adopt. We were very happy with the number of kids we have. We got into foster care, because we want to help families stay together.

Yet when the Department of Family Services calls us up and asks us if we would be willing to adopt the kids if they can’t go home, would we turn them away? The children have lived with us for nearly a year. We are attached to each other. They are lovely, wonderful young people that anyone would be honored to call daughter and son. Yet… there’s a real chance that we’d be facing years of very chaotic home life, that I wouldn’t be able to retire when I had planned, that we wouldn’t have the money to send our original two children and two more children to college, that we would be signing up for years and years of therapy, that we’d be agreeing to make a highly dysfunctional family part of our extended family.

This is where I take a deep breath.

One day at a time. Today, we continue to work towards reunifying Joyful and Watchful with their dad. Today and tomorrow, we continue to root for dad’s progress in making home a safe place. And regardless, we love these children with our whole hearts no matter what day it is.

This post is part of the Adoption Talk Link Up.  Check out what others are saying about adoption.  You won’t regret it.

No Bohns About It

5 thoughts on “Going Home TODAY v. NEVER

  1. I love your first paragraph; it truly put a smile on my face. I know exactly how you feel.

    I understand where you are coming from with this post. We fostered with the intention to adopt, but we never wanted the bio parents to fail. I am learning more and more that adoption means loss and gain. In my gaining two daughters, their bio parents lost two. They made mistakes which have affected the girls; however, their bio parents still love them and feel a loss. As I’m learning, my daughters will likely feel the same thing throughout their lives.

    Adopting Payton, my older daughter, was not planned. I honestly cannot say if it was the best thing for her or our family. These decisions don’t exist in a vacuum, and there are pros and cons to each. My memoir blog may be helpful right now as Payton has just moved in as a foster child and in a similar place in our journey as you are in yours.

    I know you will do what is best for these children and your family. I have read your posts and you are a caring person who genuinely wants what is best for everyone. If you want to chat privately, let me know. ((Hugs))


  2. Court dates are SO stressful. We got into foster care for the same reason. I really hope our kids birth parents knew that. But I suppose they often don’t. Deep breaths friend. As you said, one day at a time. Sending you guys lots of positive thoughts.


  3. Foster care is tough, you love the children and you grow to love their parents. Even if the parents aren’t doing what they should, you can’t help but hurt for them especially when they believe they will get their children back and you know it might very well turn out differently


    1. Thanks so much, friend, for understanding the love for bio parents. We do care about their dad and grandma. One day we want them to get their children back and feel they can really do this; the next day doubts creep back in as they miss a concert or a ballgame.


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