Going Home TODAY v. NEVER

Today, we are going to court again and here’s what I want to do. I want to run over to the kids’ dad and blurt out that we don’t want to steal his children away from him. But that would be awkward.


Dad thinks the judge will order his children 10-year-old Joyful and 9-year-old Watchful to go home to him today. Like pack up your bags and sleep at dad’s tonight. The State, the CASA, and GAL all agree that going home today is a non-starter. And if it was just a matter that dad has to wait awhile longer before he gets his kids back, well that would be one thing. However, there’s a real chance that the judge will tell dad that if he doesn’t have his act together in six more months, the judge will terminate parental rights and order the children to be adopted by a non-relative family.

I can only imagine dad’s eyes swiveling to us in that moment, his heart broken. I can imagine him wondering if we are hoping he will fail, so we can adopt his children. But we’re not. We’re really, honestly not.

We didn’t get into foster care to adopt. We were very happy with the number of kids we have. We got into foster care, because we want to help families stay together.

Yet when the Department of Family Services calls us up and asks us if we would be willing to adopt the kids if they can’t go home, would we turn them away? The children have lived with us for nearly a year. We are attached to each other. They are lovely, wonderful young people that anyone would be honored to call daughter and son. Yet… there’s a real chance that we’d be facing years of very chaotic home life, that I wouldn’t be able to retire when I had planned, that we wouldn’t have the money to send our original two children and two more children to college, that we would be signing up for years and years of therapy, that we’d be agreeing to make a highly dysfunctional family part of our extended family.

This is where I take a deep breath.

One day at a time. Today, we continue to work towards reunifying Joyful and Watchful with their dad. Today and tomorrow, we continue to root for dad’s progress in making home a safe place. And regardless, we love these children with our whole hearts no matter what day it is.

This post is part of the Adoption Talk Link Up.  Check out what others are saying about adoption.  You won’t regret it.

No Bohns About It