Too Early for the Adoption Word?

Joyful and Watchful have only been with us for a little over month.  Officially, the plan is return to parents or return to other family members.  But people are hinting that this fall the plan could change to adoption…

You never know what a person will do.  Will their dad work the plan to get his kids back?  Our social worker and the guardian ad litem both think he won’t.  They hope he will, but don’t see evidence that he will do what it takes to regain custody.  Because he isn’t calling the children.  Because of comments he has made.  Because of some initial non-compliance.  Because the bar is higher now that it is the second time Joyful and Watchful have needed to come into foster care.

All of the known extended family members have been ruled out as potential homes for Joyful and Watchful.  The county is now searching for other extended family to step up and take the kids, if need be.  But the other extended family would not know the children at all, wouldn’t know their parents either, and they live outside the United States.  The odds are stacked against finding a relative to adopt them.

So, where does that bring us?  The unspoken question is “would you consider adoption?”  Would we?

We planned on being just foster parents, a temporary home as we worked to reunite families going through tough times.  We thought we’d be empty-nesters in the next few years.  Our children already have one step out the door, being teenagers.  Permanently taking on a 10-year-old and 8-year-old means another ten years of daily parenting!  And what about their little, 4-year-old brother  Jumping Jack?  Would we adopt him, too?  Financially, can we take on three more kids?

We adore Joyful and Watchful.  They are so wonderful.  They have blended with our family so beautifully.  My heart aches just thinking about not having them in our lives.  I can imagine them as our forever daughter and son.

But there’s at a lot of time between now and this fall, the earliest time that the plan could change to adoption.

And I want to work as hard as possible to reunite them with their dad.  I’m scared to let the kernel of hope grow that they could be ours forever, and develop conflicting feelings about reunification.  Like I said, we got in this to help families stay together.

So, too soon I say.  Too soon to say the word “adoption.”

This post is part of Adoption Talk Link Up, where people interested in learning about adoption discuss a new topic every two weeks.  Check it out!

No Bohns About It

7 thoughts on “Too Early for the Adoption Word?

  1. I love reading about your journey. Seems your case is going a lot like mine in regards to the kids getting home. The more I watch and learn, the more I feel like there isn’t going to be a happy ending. I have a lot of the same things running through my head about it all.

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  2. Wow reading this brought me back!! Our case was nearly EXACTLY the same. And we also had set out only to foster. When the first words of adoption were muttered I remembering thinking it was too soon. In our case, by the time other family members had been ruled out, and by the time the goal was changed to adoption, our kids were very much a part of our family.

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