What makes a perfectly happy family of dad, mom and baby decide to adopt a 6-year-old boy with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)? How can you pluck one reason out of a sea of so many possibilities?
When I was a little girl, my baby dolls were always adopted. Was it because I grew up with a foster brother? Because the first movie I ever saw in the theaters was Annie, which opened my eyes to the trials of orphans? Or was it simply how I was made?
When my boyfriend (now hubby) and I began to get serious, I told him that I wanted to adopt and that if he felt that he needed a biological child, we would need to have a talk. Luckily, he was fine with building our family through adoption.
Surprise – we had a bio daughter (Sassy), but we still wanted to grow our family through adoption.
So many people want to adopt a healthy, white infant and there’s a high demand for girls. We knew we could love older boys of a variety of ethnicities, so we purposely looked for latino sibling set of boys, who would be less likely to adopted.
It was love at first “sight” when we saw the photo of Silent One. Not because he was cute (he is, though!), but because there was something in his eyes that spoke of a determination to carve out a better future. Silent One’s birth father had been murdered, which ultimately landed Silent One in foster care. Although Silent One had siblings, the foster care system had determined that they would not be adopted together (a horrible mistake in my mind!). Read about our first day together in The Day We Adopted Our Son.
I distinctly recall a nurse doing our physicals for the home study and telling us that we would be ruining our lives by welcoming a child with PTSD into our home. Her heart was in the right place, wanting to make sure that we knew the risks. And in some ways, I’m thankful that she told us it would be incredibly tough so that we were mentally prepared and didn’t blame ourselves (too much 🙂 ) for not being better parents when we went through rough patches. But in other ways, I am sad that maybe less stubborn families have been dissuaded by well meaning people and have missed out on the joy of loving a foster child.
We now are a foster family who tries to use our experiences of raising a child from foster care to help children and their families reunite.
This post is part of No Bohns About It’s Adoption Talk link up.