Invisible Pregnancy

We will have a foster kid or two soon.  We need to prepare a bedroom, think about leave from work, and think about child care and schooling.  I’m reading tons of parenting books.  Considering buying a rocking chair.  Buying special books to read.  So, I’ve written before about how similar this is to “expecting” with a pregnancy.

But it’s a bit lonely.  Here I am with mommy-hood on the brain, but no one is patting my tummy, giving me their seat on the bus, offering to carry heavy things for me.  There’s no baby shower.  No doctor visits.

It’s like an invisible pregnancy.  I’m “due” soon, yet no one can see a bulging baby bump.

I wish family and friends realized that bringing a child into your family is a big deal, no matter if that child stays with you for a month or for life.  I will still give my heart to any foster kid that walks through my front door.  I will be their advocate in school, at the doctor’s office, and with the county.  I will still tuck them in at night, make them breakfast, and  cheer them on at basketball or cheerleading.  I will put band aids on their owies, remind them to mind their manners, and be the shoulder they cry on when things don’t go their way.

So, yes, I am a mommy-to-be, even if my “pregnancy” is invisible.

Are you an “expectant” foster parent and feel lonely, too?  Have you ever considered giving “expectant” foster parents that special love and attention that pregnant moms receive?  Any suggestions for helping others realize that I want them to celebrate this with us?

5 thoughts on “Invisible Pregnancy

  1. I love this post! That’s where we are too. 🙂 And I definitely agree with you on the invisible part! Is there anyway I could contact you? (My FB page is and I have a contact form on it.) I’m writing a picture book about foster care, like the “I’m a Big Brother/Sister” book, but for introducing existing kids to the twists and turns of foster siblings. Would you be interested in reviewing?


  2. I agree, though we aren’t even there yet – more in the ‘trying to conceive’ stage (and we’ve just found out that we are required to have a separate bedroom available for each child in our home, even bio-kid siblings that are currently sharing. So we have to move!)
    I have heard of people throwing adoption showers, but never foster care showers. To be honest it might be a bit weird for me given that fostering is such a traumatic event in a child’s life. I think it’s a great idea to bring meals or a special outfit though, just like you’d do to help out a family with a new baby.


    1. Wow – separate bedrooms for every child including bio kids? That blows my mind. In my county, kids can share rooms. Foster and foster can share. Bio and foster can share. Mixed gender can share up to a certain age. Of course, the caveat is that it is safe for the kids to share, which is based on children’s history.

      What’s even more amazing is that you plan on moving to become a foster parent!!! How did you make that decision?

      You are right that a foster care shower when a kid has already entered your home would be weird. I was thinking more like in your situation, people helping to buy bunk beds, toy chests, lamps, room decor, bedding, tooth brushes, kid’s shampoo, etc. beforehand to help set up those new bedrooms. If you were here, I’d throw you a party, ’cause moving homes to add bedrooms for foster kids is totally deserving of extra TLC from family and friends.


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